by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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