Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize