Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
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it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
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don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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