Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
