I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
