anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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