Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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