so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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