Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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