She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
