I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
