Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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