shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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