I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
