We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
