Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
