did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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