i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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