Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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