Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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