She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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