i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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