He kissed a someone with a penis
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
