You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
