She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
