I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
