her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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