i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
