he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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