I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
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I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
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I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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