okay pat passed out under dana's car
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
