I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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