the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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