My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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