i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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