you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
