Me too!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
