lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
