He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
