is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
