24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
