i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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