i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
