do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
