Need sex. Gaining weight.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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