His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
