I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
