like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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