so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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