She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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