I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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