just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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