I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
