I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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