Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
