This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
