I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
