farters have to be the big spoon...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
