gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
