I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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