why do cheetos always look like penises
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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