I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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