That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
