This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
