the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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