was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
