I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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