If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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