You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
