Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
