the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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