My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
