My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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