none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
