i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
