I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
