and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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