Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
