Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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