The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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