All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
