but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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